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| Well, I don't doubt for an instant that somebody is wondering why I went ahead and inducted
Fu-Su-Lu into Suiko-Crap officially, without one of my members going ahead and doing the nominating for me.
The reason is relatively simple, and that is: Inspiration. Inspiration, huh? You're damn right. I can't
imagine that Fu-Su-Lu's induction into Suiko-Crap is really going to surprise anybody who's played Suikoden
I before, except perhaps the Suikox member with the same name. Why someone would pick
that name still fucking flabbergasts me, but whatever... To explain what I mean by this,
I'm basically saying that Fu-Su-Lu provided me with the inspiration to make this site. It all began one night, as I lay in bed, unable to sleep, thinking to myself about posting character critiques in a thread on the Suikox website. My friend and admin, Joel, and myself were posting back and forth in a thread critiquing Suikoden I characters, and I was working to catch up with his critiques. He'd already done Fu-Su-Lu's, and was pretty much straight to the point about him. Hell, if you read what's posted on this site, you can kinda' get the gist of what was posted about him... Or what he had to say, anyway... On my list, I was coming to Fu-Su-Lu and it just struck me. I dunno, maybe it's also because Suikoden I had so many useless and pathetic characters that it hit me, or maybe it was because Fu-Su-Lu himself was THAT bad of a character. If you're asking me, it's a combination of the two... In any case, I started ranting to myself about how pathetic a character that Fu-Su-Lu was, and I came up with some good material to post. It is that material, and well the thought behind it all, that gave me inspiration. I realized, while writing about how pathetic Fu-Su-Lu is... That he's not the only really pathetic character. I could go on and on about all kinds of stupid shit that the Suikoden series has blessed us with. And it all started with Fu-Su-Lu. Perhaps, because of that, I should honor Fu-Su-Lu in some way. After all, he now shares a special place in the cockles of my heart... Or maybe below the cockles... Maybe in the sub-cockle area... Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys... Maybe even in the colon... I don't know. Thanks, Denis Leary! What I'm trying to say is, what better way to honor Fu-Su-Lu than to make him my very first inductee into Suiko-Crap. Hell, it's only fitting, right?So here goes. I'm sure there are fans who are willing to bitch and moan about each and every induction I make. I'm cool with that, and I'm even expecting this. Well, not the same fan bitching about every induction, but you know what I mean... I hope. I'm thinking that Fu-Su-Lu won't be one of "controversial" inductions like I.R.S. into Wrestle-Crap was. Really, if you take a look at Fu-Su-Lu, you should start to get an idea of why someone would induct him. What is he, anyway? Is that a guy? Is that a tiger? Is that a tiger-boy, in the mold of Jim Breuer's Goat-Boy...?! What gives? Well, I guess the answer would lie in what the game says he is, right? Oh... Shit. He doesn't have any lines in the game, except when you recruit him. Joy. I guess if he was supposed to be a tiger, he'd bite people, but in-game he fights with twin axes. Now, if you know nothing about him, you might think, "Well, that's pretty cool!" Ok, I won't argue that, but... That's completely where the coolness ends. Let's look at his name, for instance. Fu Su Lu... FUUUU SUUUUUUUU LUUUUUUUUU!!! Yeah, it fucking rhymes like that... What gives, anyway?! I guess in a game where Mathiu says something like, "All this killing in front of a children!" it's reasonable that someone's name might be overlooked. I'm saying this, because I don't doubt that Fu-Su-Lu probably means something that makes perfect sense in some Eastern language. Too bad that to a Western eye, that name looks like one of the most absurd, if not THE most absurd-looking name ever! Good job catching that, Konami. I suppose if the name was the worst of it, we could just forget about this whole instance and just induct his name, right? WRONG!!! Again, we're going back to appearance. So, he's this muscle-bound axe-man... Tiger, thing right? Yeah, the pieces should be falling into line now. Apparently, this is a guy wearing a tigerskin. Well, I wouldn't normally have a problem with that, if he wasn't wearing the fucking head too... Come again?! That's right, he's not only wearing the skin of the tiger, but apparently he sees fit to wear it's fucking head, too... Because we all know how practical and cool-looking that would be, right...? -_- All you can do is look at this and wonder... What the hell...? Seriously, what gives with this guy? I guess if you come to realize anything... You realize that somebody... somewhere on that development team had to come up with this shit. I mean, you don't just go and think of tigerboys on a whim... A red ninja (like Fuma), perhaps. NOT a fucking tigerboy. Sorry, it just doesn't happen. I don't get it. What the hell was this particular developer smoking...? Do people in Japan like this shit?! Fu Su Lu is one of the most ridiculous concepts of a character that I have ever seen in any game, period. I hope the guy that developed him either got fired, or seriously embarrassed by his colleagues. Seriously, unless you're a certified furry of the highest caliber, I don't think anybody could actually like this guy, or be a fan. It'd be one thing if the design was that ridiculous, and the guy had an awesome personality, or... Hell, even if he had a personality. But, wait--- That's right, he does not even have any real lines. Oh yeah, did I mention he's actually one of the 36 Stars of Heaven in Suikoden I? Take that to the fucking bank. Serious-- CRAP!
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| Written by: Mathiu Silverberg |
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| Nominated by: Mathiu Silverberg |
| Approved by: Mathiu Silverberg |